A Shivering Amber : Day 3 - Why I'm Eating Asparagus at 1 in the Morning

Day 3 of temperature control went very well. Day 3 corresponds with Day 2 of my diet transformation. I hate the word diet. I'm not dieting, I have removed crazy from what I eat. And crazy is my favorite things: croissant, sugar, fruit. People think, "Fruit! It's so good for you and ME!" Wrong. Fruit is full of sugar, fruit sugar, which isn't as notorious as processed sugars only the body doesn't need as much sugar as we put in it. It's true.

So, I miss my habits and routines. Eating lots of blueberries because they are brain food and super good! Blueberries aren't in season right now. At least not in California. I miss having a croissant with my espresso, which used to have one packet of raw sugar only now has agave nectar. I miss it. I know the texture and taste and want what I want all the time. Only, it's lovely to choose what is best and delay gratification. I know how to do that. Growing up, Ebs always wanted to open presents on Christmas Eve. This was me: "It's Christmas Eve. Tomorrow is Christmas. I want to wait for Christmas!" Just one example.

Day 2 of Nouritture, after my ice water, I had eggs and peas again for breakfast then an espresso with Lecie in the late morning. My lunch, my wonderful lunch, was 4 slices of sirloin cap and a large serving of collard greens. I ate that plate of delicious quickly cuz it was good! Throughout the day, I felt that wonderful warmth in my stomach. My core is noticeably warm all day long. I imagine a fire inside my stomach, the very center of me, which is invigorating. I feel like I can do anything. I sprinted and practiced my headstand during my down moments! I thought, Who am I?! It's not that I feel happy then I feel like being active. I feel warm in my core which surprises and comforts and assures me that my body is ready to run, climb, dance, stand up straight and that makes me happy. I don't feel the need to "warm up" because I'm already there. I wore my Converse today to work on my posture

I've been getting very little sleep, averaging 3-5 hours per night this week, so I came home and napped. I continued to wake then fall asleep until it was 11PM! I'd meant to take my ice cold shower at 9! So, it's now 01:50 and I'm blogging while eating dinner... asparagus. I didn't buy any meat today. I see that breakfast and lunch are the easiest to manage, especially being so close to the Farmer's Market, Trader Joe's and WholeFoods. I had a headache after my ice cold shower and decided to eat something.

 My ice cold shower tonight, I noticed that I am not shivering like I did the first time. I am able to regulate my breathing after 30 seconds to 1 minute. I'm grateful for the numbness in my trapezius after a few minutes, since the ice cold water becomes bearable and I know my body is working. I set the alarm for 20 minutes and got out of the shower with 5 minutes to spare. The goal isn't to stay in the shower as long as possible. The shower is just the start of the temperature mastering. I may begin having just a 5-10 minute ice cold shower going forward only I love staying in as long as I can. I love the view of my skull timer. It's so Andy Warhol and a little creepy. I did my 20-minute ice pack and wondered why my bottom was cold! Silly me! I had ice on my neck!

A few notes:
- Lecie commented that my face appears brighter
- My fat areas feel soft
- My body muscles ache a few hours after activity when usually the ache from exercise doesn't occur until the morning after
- I am thirsty and hungry
- After eating I feel "refreshed" and "enlivened" more so than "full"

I know that my body needs rest and I ought to figure out great dinners of protein and veggies and legumes to make sure I'm taking care of myself.

A Shivering Amber : Days 1 and 2

I am now reading "The 4-Hour Body" by Timothy Ferriss. I'm still reading "The 4-Hour Work Week" only Wilma gave me "The 4-Hour Body," a new book is always distracting. So here I am. Shivering with my wet hair wrapped in a bath towel.

Wilma takes cold showers every night, so yesterday, she referred me to the chapter on cold showers and I read the section on mastering temperature before I'd even read the disclaimer. Okay, I read the disclaimer first. Then I read on mastering temperature.

In a nutshell, taking an ice cold shower that focuses on the Trapezius muscles has the ability to activate the fat that creates the fat burning acid that dissolves the white dimply fat and helps to create muscle. Fascinating.

I was so scared before turning the hot water off that I nearly began to cry. Why, oh why, would anyone be afraid of cold water? It's water! I know it was the fear of the unknown. There's lots of shivering involved with taking an ice cold shower. The cold is first terrifying, then euphoric, then funny then pointed.

My notes post-shower are below:

01-30-2013
approximately midnight/near midnight when began shower. Ice packs. 12:20-01:00
My first cold shower. I was very scared and nearly began to cry. Prayed some only mostly recited scripturee and reminded myself why I'm doing this. to be my best for God. I set the timer for 20 min+ So, very aware of everything- brighter colors and felt alive and bright. Ices packs on upper back afterward. Noticed while rubbing w/ castor oil my body was warm! Several ingrown hairs had surfaced - this doesn't usually happen. I;m amazed and ready to sleep!

01-31-2013
ice water simple dance+stretch
3 organic eggs salt cayenne pepper cooked in coconut oil
1 cup frozen peas

I have a condition called keratosis pilaris. Much of my body hair is too thin to grow straight out of my skin and so the tiny hairs become ingrown and become little bumps on my body. This leads to a number of effects such as some of the follicles appearing to be little whiteheads and hyperpigmentation on my stomach and bottom and back. Annoying since I was a teenager. I noticed that there were many follicles that were so warm after my ice cold shower that the ingrown hairs had been pushed out!

I was (last night) and am now very awake and very relaxed after my ice cold shower. Tonight's shower (which began around 9 PM after a 15-30 minute nap), I set the timer for 25 minutes to give me time to wash my hair and shave my underarms. I think the ice cold part of the shower was 15 minutes since I decided I'd had enough. I feel like a baby getting out of that water. My skin appears brighter. My muscles feel soothed. I feel happy!

Along with the ice cold showers, I feel a boost in my metabolism and a very happy mood. Read the book to hear more on these two.

My day today featured the start of my new diet. I had chicken, salad, broccoli and kimchi from the Korean place and 2 espressos. I made a note to self: Only one espresso per day. I was feeling really grumpy after work, like a crash, and also very restless, then came home and had a big evacuation. Also not the norm for me. No carbs or sugar today. I feel like a million shivering bucks.

I did a headstand! Elbows. I have goals with my headstand. I view my headstand and the hunt for a geodesic jungle gym with Jenny on Tuesday as my "Being at Play." Children have fun and are fit because they seize the moments to be active. So, if you see me out and about, ask if I feel like doing a headstand.

My day also featured the most amazing heat in the core of my body. I told my coworkers, "It feels like I'm carrying a light inside me. Like my soul's on fire." Maybe that sounds a little crazy. They get me. My organs are hot and my usual air conditioned environments are bearable if not soothing because I'm so darn hot from the very core of me out.

I plan to have the ice water, dance+stretch and same breakfast tomorrow! It was delicious today and useful. I hope to read as much as possible to get to the exercises. I don't see much of the book as suggested. I want to know what to do to get to fitter, healthier and this is my opportunity to transform my habits and traditions for the better. I imagine my future husband finding my cold showers to be endearing and inspiring, like me.

I'm looking forward to eating well. I'm big on the instruction to eat simply. The same shortlist of foods. I don't miss sugar or carbs, even though they are my addictions. When you see me eating carbs on Wednesday, just know, it's my Eat What I Want Day.

Hugs from A Shivering Amber
who is dreaming of China these days

Black American

12:29 a.m. Saturday February 04/2012

I'm in favor of dropping the name "African American" for "Black American" or, perhaps, and even better, just "American."

I was never crazy about being called Black as a child. Why "Black" when I was quite obviously brown? And throughout my development into the beautiful Black American Spanish woman I am today, there has been the very condemning "You're not Black enough" comment and judgements from both Blacks and other races. I even had a Dutch-descendant South African tell me, jokingly, "I'm more African than you are." I'm not looking to be either.

There's African culture and heritage, which are completely absent from my life. I have a Black American cultural heritage and a desire for an older history and deeper tradition. Something lost in the various slaveries my forefathers experienced and something lost in the way my single-parent household was established. The continuing matricentric system of "independence" and "self-reliance" dipped in longing and steeped in "I blame your father."

So, with that, there are days I count myself Black and, recently, more days that I count myself as Latina (to the surprise and the chagrin of more obviously, outwardly and culturally Mexican, Salvadoran, Guatemalan friends). Yes, I am a Spanish and Mayan descendant. No, I don't need your approval to raise my hand as Latin. There are even days I refuse to identify.

I do know that I haven't any ties to Africa. No country or tribe or bread crumb trail. This is part of being a Black American.

May I?

09:25 a.m. Sunday January 29/2012

Today is Marissa's baptism. I couldn't do the twisties she lives so much, so at Dom's suggestion, I've done the New Year hair do. With the addition of the China flower that is bigger than my head.

In the Metro just now, an older black woman approached me and asked, "May I see how the back is up?" She was so lovely, beautiful dark skin and burgundy lipstick like my Big Mommy. She oo'd and ahh'd and I told her about the upside down twists and braids and the combs and pins that hold the Napptural half-fro front part in place.

She said, "I like that. It's like the 40s and natural and beautiful."

I nodded and smiled, pleased I had impressed such a beautiful woman.

I had wanted to add, "My Gma has an aversion to my hairstyles," then decided to shut it. No need wasting a great moment with my sarcastic cynicism.

I often wonder if the black men appreciate my hairstyles. Do the white men? Many times I think white men are awed by my hair, the never ending variations, curls, fluff, waves, poof, width and height. I am always awed by blond and red hair on men. Amazing.

Sara, my Boogs, has heard me say it a million times, "I want to have a boy with red hair and name him Pepper." "Good luck with that" is the usual response. It's possible.

Hey, Nick Stahl

09:16 Sunday January 28/2012

Celebrities I continue to run into include, and are not limited to, that dude from "Notebook," Ryan Gosling, and Nick Stahl. I ran into Nick Stahl again today.

There's Nick Stahl. Is there anything I want to say to him? Perhaps, "Hey, Nick Stahl. We met at Starbucks in Santa Monica when I worked there about 8 1/2 years ago. Hey, look here (looking down at the logo on my hood), I work a retail gig again, and hey, you're still an actor, right? What're you doing on the bus? Plan on getting drunk in downtown?" Or, maybe just, "Nick Stahl? How're you doin'?"

I don't know what to say to Nick Stahl after running into him again.

So, I sat 2 rows behind him staring a hole in his direction thinking, If he starts a conversation, okay.

Then, I started to think the most guilt-fueled thoughts:

What if he dies tonight and I didn't invite him to church?

He looks tired. I'm not talking to him.

I want to get home and not guilt myself out about Nick Stahl. I don't have anything to give him in this moment and I don't have any requests of him.

Should I give him my design card? Why?

Then, I started thinking that therapy for my apparent co-dependent tendencies and attraction to emotionally unavailable, drug-addicted white guys would be a good idea. Step in the right direction. Not that Nick Stahl is emotionally unavailable or drug-addicted. Seems like a regular guy. Gettin' coffee. Ridin' the bus. Actin'.

Then, I started to pray. My prayer is between me and God, although I will spill the beans once it is realized.

So, yeah. Nick Stahl. "Nice tattoos."